DEAR ABBY: I am allergic to a wide range of scents — perfume, cologne, laundry detergent, etc. When I am caught in someone’s cloud, my sinuses and lungs burn, which causes instant wheezing and coughing.
My husband’s friend bathes himself in a scent akin to household cleansing powder. It’s so strong, both of us can smell it in our house for more than a week after he visits. I avoid that friend like the plague and hide at the other end of the house, doors shut, yet I still suffer an allergic reaction. Forgive my being graphic, but his caustic scent gives me a bloody nose.
My husband refuses to tell his friend about the health problems I suffer after his visits. He doesn’t want to make him feel unwelcome or upset him by being “rude.” What about ME? I can’t go near the upholstered furniture the friend sits on for well over a week.
There’s no reason in the world why I should suffer in my own home. I’m afraid I’m going to explode in rage the next time he visits, embarrassing all involved. Could you please advise me how to tell the friend he stinks without being rude? — SUFFERING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SUFFERING: It isn’t a breach of etiquette to tell someone you have an allergy problem you have been hesitant to discuss for fear of seeming rude. Call the friend BEFORE his next visit and explain that one of the products he is using causes you to have an allergic reaction that results in bloody noses. Then ask that he please not wear it when he’s in your home. This may be a conversation that’s uncomfortable for you, but to have it is essential.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.