ONE day back in the first century, the Apostle Paul was mooching around the south-western tip of Cyprus, busy trying to convert local people to Christianity.
The locals didn’t take kindly to this and Paul was tied to a stone pillar next to the church of Agia Kyriaki and given 39 lashes.
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I learned this interesting nugget on a trip to the resort of Paphos.
Because — yards from the pretty harbour-front’s fish restaurants, coffee shops and bars — you can still visit Saint Paul’s pillar, which remains intact today.
This mixture of ancient history and modern pleasures is everywhere on the island.
My wife Cath and I left Scotland’s gloomy February skies behind, and getting off our fab EasyJet flight were greeted by a glorious blue sky just 4½ hours (thank you, tail wind) later.
We were staying at the 4* Louis Phaethon Beach in Paphos and, as we arrived in darkness, we weren’t prepared for the view that awaited us when we opened the curtains of our spacious room next morning.
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Past the palm trees swaying in the morning breeze, the beach was only 30 yards away from our balcony and we immediately clicked into ‘holiday mode’.
Before we sampled one of the four hotel pools (two outdoor, one inside, one children’s) we were eager — boy, were we eager — to sample the all-inclusive menu.
Previous experience has taught me these can be very hit or miss, but the Louis Phaethon’s was definitely a winner.
All the usual suspects you’d anticipate seeing in a quality hotel were present — a very nice selection of nuts and dates to stir into your muesli and thick Greek yogurt (of course), eggs done all ways, sausages, bacon — you name it.
But there was also a fabulous selection of Cypriot specials including Sfakianopita, a thin pancake-like pie with whey cheese, halloumi.
In the evening we were heartened by the many local delicacies we weren’t familiar with.
It being Cyprus, there was moussaka, dolmades (stuffed vine leaves) and kleftiko (slow-cooked lamb), as well as huge trays of fresh tahini, tsatsiki and taramasalata.
But I was quickly on to Google Grub to identify several mysterious but intriguing-looking offerings.
Shieftalies (Cypriot sausage) with a nice bit of Kritharoto (risotto-style rice) on the side was an immediate hit.
An old fish man like me thoroughly enjoyed the baked pangasius (shark catfish).
Cath is a vegetarian and reported that the Greek salads (heavy on the local Anari cheese, which is a bit like ricotta) fresh pasta and Pourekkia (cheese pie) were terrific.
However, everyone knows a meal stands or falls by the standard of its puddings, and once again, no gastronomical box went unticked.
Whether it was Karidopita (walnut cake drowned in syrup), Mpougatsa (baked pastry and custard pie), or Gianniotiko (drenched in nuts and, er, yet more syrup), everything tasted fabulously decadent and wonderfully fresh.
For younger diners there were three well-stocked ice-cream trays, all kept scrupulously clean.
There was, as the old saying goes, something for everyone and I didn’t see anyone emerging from the very spacious restaurant looking hungry.
After gorging ourselves to a satisfactory level, we decided a 45-minute walk into the Old Town — there’s a path from the hotel right along the coast — was in order.
Having waddled along at a sedate pace, past The Sunset Point of Cyprus, which offers a glorious view of . . . well, you can probably guess, we headed to the nearby village of Yeroskipos and its famous sweet shop.
If you’ve ever wondered how Turkish Delight is made, here’s two bits of local knowledge. Number one — it tastes totally different fresh from the copper urn it’s made in, being nibbled under a clear blue sky than it does in Scotland.
And number two — do not call it Turkish Delight. The Cypriots call the stuff Loukoumi and I suggest you do the same.
Having indulged ourselves on a variety of sweet fatty treats, we wandered across the street, where the ninth-century Byzantine church has a roof covered in frescos of martyr Saint Paraskevi.
By now firmly in history receptivity mode, next stop was Paphos Archaeological Park, a UNESCO World Heritage Site and, like Saint Paul’s Pillar, again within walking distance of the harbour.
There, enterprising folks are meticulously excavating historical sites — and one is the startling Odeon theatre. ‘Odeon’ is Greek and means ‘singing place’, and this one dates to the second century AD and seats 1,200.
You can stand at the bottom of the steps, facing what would’ve been the audience, and marvel as the natural amphitheatre’s echo throws your voice back at you.
This, I felt, was my moment. I was about to launch into my famed karaoke version of R.E.M.’s Man On The Moon until I noticed some Russian tourists glaring at me belligerently and the moment passed.
The proximity of this kind of history was always enjoyable, but Paphos is also a modern town.
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There are award-winning apps and QR codes everywhere to help educate you on what you’re looking at and electric scooters can be hired with a few clicks of a smart phone.
Among the sites being excavated in the Archaeological Park are a series of mosaics of Roman villas named after Orpheus, Theseus and Aion.
The grandest of these (2,000 square metres!) show the God of wine (Dionysus) was clearly held in high regard.
I took this as a sign from the Gods and was soon sitting at the harbour, sipping a retsina and toying over a plate of fresh fish meze.
The amount of fish on menus leads to a population of cats — Cyprus has more of them (1.5million) than people (1.25million). However they are viewed as good luck — as well as enthusiastically keeping the rat and viper population down — so are well-fed by locals.
Back at the Louis Phaethon, the evening’s entertainment — after another gut-challenging meal — saw us visit Chariot’s nightclub.
Early in the evening, this is aimed at the hotel’s toddler population and they all appeared to be thoroughly satisfied at the volume of that Baby Shark song.
Once they move on, an assortment of musicians take command.
Favourites like Take Me Home Country Roads, Sweet Caroline, and Iko Iko were played by a very enthusiastic bloke with an electric violin.
We ended our little visit to Cyprus the next morning as we’d started it, with more mythology, as we headed off to Petra tou Romiou, the rocks outside Paphos where legend has it that Aphrodite was born from sand and foam.
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I stared out at the beautiful twinkling waters where the goddess of love, fertility and beauty emerged centuries ago, mesmerised by the view.
Read more on the Scottish Sun
We’d always thought Cyprus was just a summer destination but this trip proves it’s a year-round isle to fall in love with.
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