Do as I say, not as a do.
It’s a hollow refrain that can frequently be applied to parenting.
In my case, mobile phone use.
A study from Turkey’s Nigde Omer Halisdemir University found partners who frequently ‘phub’, or snub each other in favour of their mobile device, are more depressed.
A bit like a chicken and an egg, it’s harder to know which comes first, whether couples are spending more time on their phones to escape each other or whether phone use first impeded communication.
In 2023, smartphones mean we’re always contactable but often have less meaningful contact.
The average person checks their phone 58 times and spends more than three hours per day perusing it, time spent without more personal face-to-face contact.
And it’s not only romantic relationships that are suffering as a result.
My local pool has signs warning parents to “watch me, not your phone” and that “parents supervise, lifeguards save lives”.
Signs that prompted pangs of guilt for daring to reply to an email, even though my son was safely being supervised in swim classes.
It’s not just a mental health break, phones are an essential tool for parenting whether you’re booking a play date or googling sleep techniques.
But that doesn’t stop parents or bystanders from judging each other on the playground.
One Youtuber tested the theory by ‘abducting’ a child from under the nose of their distracted parent.
The result was a warning about stranger danger that went viral, praised and criticised alike by more than 2.4 million viewers.
But though any parent should always know their child’s general whereabouts on the playground — and notice if they leave — it reeks of unfair parent shaming.
Similar outrage was sparked by an Australian newspaper’s infamous cartoon that depicted a baby wishing it was “loved like a phone”.
It was a snapshot of time and failed to recognise that for a few precious moments, while their child is safely strapped in a stroller, or occupied on the slide, a mum or dad might need to respond to another urgent matter.
The devil is in the detail and there’s a spectrum of distraction.
Spending two minutes doing the grocery shopping online, while pushing the swing with the other hand is fine.
But when Miss Six started calling her aunt on Facetime at 2 am, I realised it was time to put my phone away and out of arm’s reach.
No public shaming is required, most mums judge ourselves more than eachother.